I spent most of my life doing what everyone else is doing, trying to pass as a woman. About the only thing I accomplished was making myself miserable. I spent most of the time I had trying to get up the nerve to go out, then when I finally did, spent hours driving around in the dark, afraid to get out of the car. At the end of the night, I felt depressed and discouraged because I wasted another evening. Sound familiar? Eventually I did make it out to a gay bar, sat there most of the night with a few drinks, afraid to talk to anyone because my voice just didn't seem right. But never the less, I did finally make it out. It got a little easier after that, eventually I met some people and actually had conversations once in a while, mostly when I was slightly intoxicated and forgot what I sounded like. It was fun for the most part, great to be 'out' as Alicia, but still a nervous wreck most of the time. I mostly went to gay bars, which is not bad at all, other then the drag queens picking each other apart (something I never understood). But getting there and getting home was usually a nightmare. What if someone 'reads' me? What if the car breaks down or if I get pulled over? What if my neighbors see me coming or going? It wasn't perfect, but it all got me through many years of my life and it was enough, I could deal with the little things, at least I went out once in a while and had fun. Then very recently something happened to me that made me see everything in a different way. I got to know another girls on line and we decided to meet at a local gay bar that she goes to here in town. It is a small place, friendly, kind of a neighborhood bar, people my age, not your typical 20 something's. They had a drag show that night (imagine that), and I expected the usual young beautiful performers. But I was wrong, this show was more about fun. Not that the girls weren't good looking, but they, like me, where older, some of them in their sixties, one of them a Tugboat Captain. They all did a very great show and looked terrific, but most of all they had fun. After a couple of times there I got to know all the girls and spent some time talking to them. And spent a lot of time talking to my new friend, Kelly. I am not going to go into detail about her, lets just say she is one of the most wonderful people I have ever met and I learned a lot from her about attitude. It was here when I realized what was important about 'passing'. Most important thing is, DON'T TRY, it's not going to happen. You are a man that dresses like a woman, and no matter how hard you try, that's what most people are going to see. Maybe if you are on massive amounts of hormones and had some 'body work' done, in which case you just might get away with it. Get used to what you are, in fact be proud of it. Yes, try to act like a woman, learn to walk, talk (I don't mean voice, but HOW they talk), and act like they do, but realize that you are still a man. I am not trying to be mean or hateful, but the reality is that most of us do this part time, for whatever reason, and there is no way you can pass for a woman all of the time. Someone will notice, get used to it. Learn to deal with it and accept it. People will, for the most part, accept you much easier, but do try to stay out of redneck bars. I still don't have as much time to spend as Alicia as I would like, but now when I do, I make the most of it. I am not limited to gay bars anymore, Kelly and me go to just about every straight bar on the island and don't have any problems. I am still not 100% comfortable all of the time like Kelly, but I am working on it